This month's challenge is oddly fitting. For Mr. Oliver, he is celebrating the release of his second cookbook. For my family and I, yesterday was a celebration of life. My grandmother passed last October 24th. It will be almost a year that she is gone. Yesterday would have been her 85th birthday. She was one of my best friends. Knowing her soul was a pleasure and a gift to all who knew her.
There's the fashionista and I, as my grandpa would say! My grandpa was the "machinista," since he was a tool maker. What a match.
It wasn't until my grandmother passed that I really understood how much she loved us. Unconditionally. The cliché that "actions speak louder than words" is so true. I have had family members that told me they loved me, but their actions showed the complete opposite. My grandmother, on the other hand, was gentle and sweet. She didn't need to say much, though she often reminded us with her words. She was a woman who spent her whole day loving us. She woke up in the morning and said her Hail Mary's and Our Father's 5 times, then went on to specifically blessing each member of the family. Dinner was usually a soup with fresh vegetables or a meat and potatoes dish that would knock the words right out of your mouth wondering how something with so few ingredients could be made to taste so divine. Dinner was on the stove around 10 a.m. and ready by 4 p.m. sharp. The house was thoroughly cleaned before then, of course, and there wasn't a crumb on the floor by the next morning.
Knowing her has taught me so much, and this was one of the best lessons. To love with your whole heart is to acknowledge every corner of it. To say, to feel, to act on your feelings. The more I experience loss, the more sharply I feel. The more I am reminded of the transience of life, the more I am gently nudged into feeling.
So yesterday for my grandmother's birthday I rolled with that "feeling." I went through her recipe books and looked for her kuglof (marble cake) recipe. I found it, but not only was it different than how we had made it together, but the ingredients were measured in decagrams. She has a weigh she taught me how to use. When I went to measure the ingredients, I realized I had forgotten what she had taught me. I broke down in tears. I tend to avoid baking her recipes, because that was what we did together. All my favorite memories of us are together in the kitchen. But, the reality was that it was up to me to remember these things and she was not going to be there to show me anymore. My entire being was slapped with the visceral realization that she was no longer here--a reality that I had been able to run from for almost a year.
I moved on and made her traditional Hungarian chicken goulash. Butcher a whole chicken, sauté some onions, add a truckload of paprika, some extra spice, add your water, and simmer for a few hours. I served it over spätzle, which are egg noodles. I served it with a "butter letter" salad, as she'd say. Chopped butter lettuce, minced onions, red wine vinegar, and safflower oil with salt to taste. Almond champagne on the side.
Anyways, I hope you all choose to celebrate today or any other day that you see fit. Don't wait until a "special" occasion. You're given the occasion to make every day special. Just run with your feelings and if you want to show your family love then you don't need an excuse!
XO, Kristina
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